


Give 'em Hell

by shinnyluvssuju



Category: Good Omens (TV), The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Good Omens AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 22:27:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20317024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinnyluvssuju/pseuds/shinnyluvssuju
Summary: Julian and Noel receive the location of the hellhound. They must find it. All earthly life is at stake, you know.





	Give 'em Hell

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this Good Omens au a few months ago in my notebook and finally got around to typing it up. I hope you like it. c:

It is dawn in Camden. The sky is a hazy purple, the wind tickling the air just slightly. The sound of heavy boots smack against the pavement as the demon of darkness makes his way to the bookstore. Normally he would have no reason to go to such a place. However, things have not been so normal lately, have they? 

The demon bursts through the old wooden door, then slams it shut with a loud bang. “Alright, Aziraphale?”

Aziraphale, the angel of light, closes his leather bound book with frustration. He pushes his glasses up his nose and stands up straight. “Look what you’ve done, you’ve tracked mud in my shop,” he complains, pointing a long finger at the demon’s black boots. “And we can’t use our names anymore, we absolutely must use the human names. Remember?” 

The demon rolls his eyes. “Okay then, Julian,” he says, playing along. “Like your real name better though.” He takes off his wet leather jacket and hangs it on the back of a chair. 

“Yeah, well, doesn't matter, does it Noel?” 

“My name is cooler than yours. Did you really pick Julian, or did you get stuck with it at random?” 

The angel’s eyes widen with offence. “I chose my name, thank you very much sir! It sounds… noble!”

“Pfft.” Noel smirks at him. “Alright then, your majesty. So what’s on today's agenda? I didn’t come here to read.” 

“That much is obvious,” Julian mutters. “Well, head office gave me an address…” He takes out a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket. “They believe it’s where the hell hound wound up.” 

Noel claps with delight. “The hound, yes!” 

“It can be your job to wrangle it, then,” Julian says, giving him the piece of paper. “We must go at sunrise tomorrow. There’s no time to waste when Armageddon is upon us.” 

“Yeah yeah, always on the brink of Armageddon, we are,” Noel says, prancing to the back of the bookstore. “Make me some tea, will you Angel?” 

Julian smiles, glad that Noel cannot see it. “Yes, yes,” he replies, walking to the stairs that lead up to the apartment above the shop. 

It is a small but cozy place, lots of antiques decorating the walls and shelves. The sofa is covered in soft blankets and pillows since Julian usually falls asleep there reading. 

Julian turns the kettle on, and Noel wanders to the record player. “Oi, did I leave my Velvet Underground record here last time?” 

“Unfortunately yes,” Julian answers, flittering through the records until he spys it and pulls it out. “Will never understand why you enjoy this noisy trash.” 

“Noisy trash?” Noel gasps. He puts his hands on Julian’s shoulders, looking him square in the eye. “I’ll have you know mate that I was at their first performance in ‘65! Lou was just a lad back then! I shook his hand after the show!” Noel raises his right hand. “This hand created a legacy!” 

Julian can’t help but chuckle. “Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.” He puts on Noel’s silly record for him. 

“I know what I’d like to be stroking tonight,” Noel says with a lupine grin. 

Julian turns to him. “Ew.” 

The kettle whistles and Julian quickly turns off the stove. “Black, right?” Julian asks, reaching for two mugs. 

“Oh yes, just like my magic.” 

“You can be very cheesy sometimes,” Julian smiles. 

“Can’t be evil and dark all the time,” Noel shrugs and takes his tea from Julian. “Gets quite boring.” 

“I don’t ever get bored of being good.” They sit on the sofa together. 

“That so?” Noel asks, surprised. “Six thousand years of living pure, and you never wanna switch things up?” 

“I hang out with you. That’s the baddest I get.” They both chuckle. “Although… It’s not like I don’t wonder about… things.” 

“Things,” Noel repeats. “Very specific.” 

“You know what I mean,” Julian says, uncomfortable. He wonders if God is listening. This would be a bad mark on his report card, surely. “Bad things. Sinful things.” 

Noel raises an eyebrow, bemused. He quite likes this game. “Well,” he says, putting his tea on the coffee table and taking Julian’s as well. “I’m no priest, but you can confess to me your sins.” He leans in close. “Your secrets are safe with me. Swear.” 

“A promise from a demon,” Julian scoffs. 

“A demon who is your friend,” Noel reminds. He reaches out and starts taking off Julian’s tie. 

His breath hitches. “Er, touche.” 

“So tell me,” Noel pleads. “You simply must get these things off your chest. It’s healthy, I think.” 

Julian swallows. “Well I -- I’ve been feeling the pull of… temptation, as of late.” 

Noel laughs, low and knowing. “Oh? Well, in my professional opinion, you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it.” He throws Julian’s tie on the ground and begins unbuttoning his shirt. “It’s my job to tempt good men to evil, Azi -- Julian. And I’m damn good at it.” 

“I’d say.” He can’t stop looking at Noel’s hands. 

“Doesn’t sinning feel so good?” Noel asks in a whisper, running his hands over Julian’s chest.

Julian closes his eyes. “This isn’t fair. You’re in my head, manipulating my thoughts.” 

“I simply bring thoughts that were already there up to the surface.” Noel locks their lips together in a kiss. 

***

After waking up with achy backs from sleeping on Julian’s couch, they prepare for their mission. Noel is more excited, and Julian is more nervous. Noel insists that he always interacts with hellhounds well, and that no harm would come to them. Julian tries his best to believe that. 

Noel happily takes a sip of his coffee as they walk across London to the proper address. “Julian, you ever try this?” 

He holds up his drink and Julian squints at it. “Starbucks?” 

“Yeah!”

“Of course I have.” 

“Well, this is the first time for me, and I’ve got to say,” he takes another quick sip. “This has got to be my favorite human invention. Chocolate in coffee? Genius!”

As Julian laughs, a boy of no more than fifteen walks past them and says, “ Fuckin’ poofs.” To which Noel responds by setting the boy’s hoodie on fire with his mind. 

“You can’t just set children on fire!” Julian says in amused amazement. 

“It was small. I’m sure he’ll put it out.” Noel winks. 

After a long walk of Noel repeating “we should have just flown” every ten minutes, they finally reach a very average and normal looking residence. 

“Are you sure this is the right place?” Noel asks. 

“Yes, this is the address. And besides, it’s supposed to look normal. They have to blend in.” 

“So how do we get to the dog?” 

A rustling of leaves from the yard can be heard. “I’ve got an idea,” Julian says. He walks over to the small gate for the yard and opens it. 

Noel whistles. “Here puppy puppy!”

Julian braces himself, but the hellhound is surprisingly… small. And cute. And very much like a regular dog. It runs over to them, sniffs, and even licks Noel’s face, who couldn’t look more delighted. 

“Julian, it’s so cute!” he says, the dog in his arms. “I told you I’d be good with it. Say I was right.” 

Julian stares at the thing. “Are you sure that’s really a hellhound?” 

Noel picks it up and stares into its face. The dog pants back. “I think so.” 

“We can’t just think, we need to know.” 

“Well this is the address head office gave you, innit? Ain’t they never wrong?”

Julian sighs. “I mean, I suppose. This just doesn’t seem right.” 

“Hang on a minute,” Noel says, tone turning quite serious, which was rare for the demon. “This pup’s got some sort of wound on his leg.” 

“Dogs get into things all the time,” Julian says, not seeing the importance of it.

“No no, this looks like someone hurt it!” Noel says. “Can you heal--” He glances at the name on the collar. “Maxxie?” 

“Why would I have to heal a hellhound?” Julian protests. He scratches his head. “This ain’t the right dog. It can’t be.” 

“Hellhound or not, we were brought to this dog for a reason.” Noel holds Maxxie in Julian’s face. “He needs a new home! I’m sure Maxxie’s bein’ abused and all that! We can’t let him stay here!” 

“So you’re suggesting we just steal someone’s pet?” Julian asks. 

Noel blinks at him. “Yes. That’s exactly what I’m suggesting.” 

Julian sighs and looks into the dog’s eyes. The thing is quite adorable, friendly too. He gives in and pets Maxxie on the head, who responds with a big toothy smile. Julian never did have a pet before. He places his hand on Maxxie’s leg, and gets to work healing that nasty wound. “Put him down,” Julian says when the healing is complete. Noel starts to frown. “We have to walk him home.” 

Noel beams with joy. “Oh thank you! Thank you! This is going to be genius!” He leans down and scratches Maxxie’s head. “You’ll be my little hellhound. I’ll make you into one, anyway.” 

Julian tells Noel that Maxxie is not allowed in the bed. That night, though, Maxxie crawls up and lays in Noel’s legs while they’re asleep. 

Julian isn’t really all that mad.


End file.
